i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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