For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
