I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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