I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
