there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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