I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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