there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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