ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
