but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize