this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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