this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
