Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
