Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
