I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
