She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
