i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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