ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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