It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
