I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
