I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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