Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
