There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
there is glitter all over my balls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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