i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
