I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
