I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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