Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You need Xanax blowdarts
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
