He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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