I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
