Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
