then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
