we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
