so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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