youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
