Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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