Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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