Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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