Swine flu. Run for my life!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
