Umm I'm too high to move.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
