Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
