i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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