My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
