Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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