bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
