I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
