I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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