The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize