um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
