I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
