Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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