the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
