i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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