I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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