I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
