why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My balls are so social today.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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