i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
