You're my little dorito
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
