After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
