I just pynch a tree in the face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize