Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
