Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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