i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
