I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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