Hippo gnu deer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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