How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
