the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
