You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
