Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
