Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize