I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
